Nov 082004

roadster_guy and I decided that our destination of choice in our flight from Michigan will be San Francisco. Thanks to the passage of Proposition 2 our relationship will never be recognized in this state: not marriage, not civil union, nothing. That may not sound like a really big deal until you realize it also affects things like hospital visitation, living will, power of attorney, inheritance, etc. I’m not really sure what the exact details of each aspect are, legally, but I’m sure none of them are in our favor. My home state is now dominated by bigots and busybodies, so it’s time to leave. I don’t feel like fighting them here. I’m no Sean Kosofsky, and I’ve wanted out of here for a long time, so why fight for equality in a place you don’t really want to be in anyway?

Now that the decision is made I’m scared. The old fear of change and disruption is rearing it’s ugly head, and I can feel the stirrings of a panic starting to form in the depths. What’s funny is that when I moved to Washington state back in ’93 I picked up and left with barely a second thought. I had no car, no debt, few possessions, and nothing to lose. Now I have all of the above. Guess that’s called growing up.

There’s so much to consider I hardly know where to begin. Place to live, job, moving expenses, horrendous rent, car, furniture, and on and on ad nauseum. All those little details that my ADD-scrambled brain has trouble keeping track of, and gets easily overwhelmed by, until I just wanna throw up my hands and say “forget it” and stay where it’s comfortable. I can’t let that happen though, because that’s why I stayed in Dearborn for so long, and stayed with Jay for so long. It’s too easy to get stuck in the comfort zone and never leave.

Clearing some debt will help a lot. I’ve finally saved up enough to almost pay off the smaller of my two credit cards (the one with the criminal interest rate), and that payment can go toward paying off the larger one faster. Now I just have to deal with this Jeep. If my sister doesn’t come through with another power of attorney there’s gonna be hell to pay. I’ve helped her with this long enough and now I need help unloading it.

My poor mom is going to be as distressed about this move as I am. When we go she’ll be alone here and I hate the thought of abandong her. She’ll probably stalk us to California anyway. She always said if I leave, she’s following, cuz she wouldn’t have a reason to stay here either. I don’t know how she’d afford San Fran, but I wouldn’t mind at all.

 Posted by at 12:31 pm
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