Mar 212005

I’m such a cold person at work. If I’m not with coworkers when I leave my desk to go anywhere, I walk around in a glass bubble. I don’t speak to anyone unless forced to; I only give a small tight smile if I happen to lock eyes with anyone; I look through, past, or away from anyone who comes near me in passing, and generally just ignore the hell out of everyone around me. When I have to interact I’m friendly and courteous but otherwise? Meh.

Only two of my coworkers know I’m gay; one close to my age that I told shortly after I started here, the other sat next to me at ISS so he already knew. I have nothing personal in my cube: No pictures, posters, toys, nothing. The only thing non-work-related is a Garfield printout that says “If people were meant to pop out of bed, we’d all sleep in toasters”, and I’m probably going to take that down too. Cute, but not my style.

I can hardly relate to anyone around here. All but a couple of my coworkers are middle-aged, conservative, boring family men who are decent enough, but whom I have nothing in common with. This job does not play to my strengths and I barely feel competent at it sometimes, which makes me feel even more alienated. One of the reasons I stuck it out at ISS for so long was because of my great coworkers, some of whom have remained friends that I stay in contact with even though I’ve left, which I rarely do when I change jobs. My boss is a nice guy, but he makes me uneasy. My team lead is really cool: good sense of humor, low tolerance for corporate BS, and he surfs even more than I do, yet he’s on top of things and totally competent. *looks over the cube wall* Actually he’s playing some video game I don’t recognize right now.

I’m grateful that they hired me here, and I’m sorry I haven’t done/aren’t doing a much better job, but I’ll be glad when this year is up in August and I can move on to something else; either real estate appraisal or something different in IT. Maybe back to hardware support or something.

 Posted by at 1:20 pm

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