Jul 132005
 

It’s a weird sensation to be both tired and listless, yet at the same time tense and anxious. I’ve got this pent-up energy but I can’t focus on doing anything with it, so I just sit here and idle, and wish I could go back to bed.

What would happen if I just wandered off? I would, if I could think of somewhere I wanted to go. I should plan to camp on Manitou Island this summer for a couple days. I’ve wanted to for years, and it might do me some good to completely disconnect from everyone and everything for a couple days.

We need a heavier punching bag, or more weight on the legs of the stand. It slides all over during a workout, and invariably into the wall. I’m starting to see some definition from the regular workouts of the last week or so, but my gut isn’t shrinking as quickly as I’d like. I started to run after working out last night, but my right calf kept threatening to cramp up, so I gave up. I’ve been eating better, and less, than I normally do, not counting the biscuits and gravy for breakfast this morning.

I bought the new World of Darkness rulebook in anticipation of the new version of Mage, and the fiction pieces scattered throughout are downright creepy, and actually horrible in the “modern horror” sense. Much more atmosphere than anything in the old WoD books. I also flipped through the Antagonists book while at the bookstore, and that was even more disturbing. I’m toying with the idea of starting up a campaign, but dunno if I can put the prep work into it that it would require. I also wonder who I could get to play.

I need to return all these pop bottles at my desk. I have one full drawer, and a 5-layer triangle of them on my desktop, perfect for bowling.

thirdreel‘s entry the other day about dharma has had me really thinking about the difference between desire and dedication. I’ve always had plenty of the former, but too little of the latter. Pondering that made me go down to the basement and work out, when I really didn’t much feel like it. I was feeling kind of quiet and morbid, but cranking up the White Stripes helped and soon I was hopping around and beating the shit out of the bag.

All that plainspoken Buddhist wisdom makes me uncomfortable while at the same time it’s, er, enlightening. I’m intelligent and perceptive, yet concepts such as the distinction between desire and dedication don’t occur to me in such simple, powerful ways like I think they should. I see that as a defect on my part. Maybe it’s just hubris.

I can’t concentrate, could I be pregnant?

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