At the moment I feel all of the below, simultaneously:
– Guilty for skipping the weights and doing 45 minutes of cardio instead. I feel like I let myself down.
– Guilty for not really wanting to go out tonight with mrimp and odysseyseven, but not sure I wanna stay holed up in the house, either.
– Guilty for playing WoW lately instead of City of Heroes, ignoring my CoH friends and guild in the process.
– Guilty for not finishing pricing my comics and starting to post them on eBay so I can buy the fucking iMac I’ve been squealing about for months now. Loser.
– Afraid of eBay: afraid of doing it wrong, afraid of getting screwed over, afraid I won’t get as much money from them as they’re worth, afraid that most of them won’t sell because they’re titles no one wants. Hence the bullet point above.
– Worried that I’ve had very little interest in sex, with only a couple exceptions, for weeks now. Trying to figure out what actually turns me on lately is like trying to open a Chinese puzzle box. While wearing mittens.
– Disappointed that NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow and my mind is an absolute blank for a story to write. I suck.
– Worried about my job. They supposedly cut 350 contract workers today, with another 350 slated for both November and December.
– Worried that I have absolutely no interest in what I do anymore, but can’t figure out what I want to do, so I stay in a stale but comfortable rut. The only area of computing that fascinates me at the moment is, well, see bullet #4. But I have no idea how to break into that field, what exactly I would DO in that field, and there’s not exactly a flood of those jobs in Michigan, as far as I know.
– Afraid to commit to some new field because after a few weeks or months my ADD may decide it’s bored with that and wants to do something else again.
– Ashamed. Despite my intelligence and affinity for technology, at age 38 I’ve never accomplished a thing in the tech industry but earn a paycheck. If I was capable of an original idea, and had the focus to develop it, I could quite possibly have been a dot com millionaire. Instead, I played games and settled for envying other peoples’ accomplishments. Again, I suck.
– Congested, with a sore throat, thanks to the dry desert air of the last week and the Petri dish of two cross-country plane flights.
– Sweaty from the stairmaster.
– Apathetically disinclined to resolve any of the above at the moment.
– Disgusted at the sheer amount of self-pitying whining I just posted.
If these are the beginning symptoms of a mid-life crisis, can I please just skip ahead to the part where I buy a bright red sports car?