Ryan

Aug 272016
 

If I howl into the void 

Can I be heard above the wind?

If I scream”no more” and the words fall 

like blood on the screen

Will they be seen?

If seen, read? 

If read, acted on?

I want to be un/heard 

So I send my pain down through

the channel unwatched 

The page unread

The screen unseen 

Hoping for a lifeline

Guaranteeing that none will come

So at the end I can say

I cried for help and none heard

Exactly as planned 

And so it ends:

Potential wasted

Promise unfulfilled

Youth and dreams gone to dust

On every horizon:

slow decrepitude

Loss of the loved 

Inevitable death

Forgotten by time

It will be as if I never existed

So why exist at all 

 Posted by at 9:40 pm
Aug 122016
 

Wednesday night I saw a tweet from Los Feliz Daycare that mentioned a student named Isis. When I saw it, I had a powerful, inexplicable urge to pray to the Egyptian goddess Isis.

I haven’t believed in, or prayed to, any deity in about 15 years, so I have no idea where the hell that came from. Egyptian wasn’t even my pantheon of choice when I was a pagan. 

I went so far as to look up prayers to Isis and recite one in my mind, but fell asleep before finishing. I fully expected to dream about Isis that night, but nothing happened that I recall.

I tried again last night but, again, fell asleep very quickly. The urge isn’t really there anymore, but the strangeness of it happening at all remains.

Oct 192015
 

Played two against new guy Trevor, who didn’t join the league, but is really good. I played Stealth Hayley vs his NBN Making News, which I never see played anymore.  He eventually Midseasoned me out of the game. 

Second game was his Noise vs my Harmony Medtech. It was a slog, but despite a 4-point lead, he kept milling me and finally ran Archives to score out, after having buried my two remaining Jacksons.

Decided not to have his two games be my league games.

Against Max: my Hayley vs his Blue Sun, I scored out in about 4 turns. One of them was a Government Takeover. 

As Harmony Medtech vs his Edward Kim, he ran through Komainu and was finished off by Swordsman. 

Last match was Max’s Blue Sun vs my Noise. He blew me out. 

2nd game of that match was against Ryan S. (Greyfield on OCTGN and Netrunnerdb) and his Kate Faust deck. He scored out because I STUPIDLY rezzed Excalibur with 2 of my last three creds, suddenly blanking on the fact he could use Faust against it. If I’d saved the creds for the Swordsman in front of my scoring server, I’d have kept him out and scored The Future Perfect. Why do I make such stupid fucking mistakes? I KNEW better. FML. 

Sep 282013
 

A book of Celtic…something. Verse? Stories? Essays? The foreword was done in an illuminated manuscript style, and was written by Aaron. His name appeared in big letters in a circle on the center of the page. I and the people I was with were completely shocked by this.

Jena and some other guy from work. At one point they teased me about “hooking up” with some cute guy at work.

A friendly gray and white-striped cat on our front lawn. I approached him very carefully, and he didn’t run away, eventually letting me pet him. I called him Ghost.

Going to Aaron’s office, which was in the University for some reason. He wasn’t there but it was a nice office; lots of fancy wookwork.

 Posted by at 7:29 am
Sep 272013
 

It was my turn to give a “walk in my shoes” talk for about 5-10 minutes at our monthly staff meeting. I don’t know why I was so nervous about it. I’ve worked with these people for almost 3 years, and if we had all been in a bar for this I’d have had no problem. I guess because it was more official and formal. Still, it’s one less stressor out of the way.

 Posted by at 12:01 pm
Apr 172013
 

On the way to work I decided to take the back road because of congestion on M-14.
Just east of N. Maple on Stein was a young deer on the north edge of the dirt road. It was lying on its side with its head up, and didn’t get up when I drove close. I stopped to look at it and saw its eyes were closed and ears laid back. There was blood on its flank near the tail, and it occasionally kicked its leg slowly.
I pulled over and found the number for Friends of Wildlife. I listened to the recording to get their deer-specific number and called. The lady who answered sounded sympathetic, but for vague reasons made it clear she couldn’t help; something about it not being a fawn.
Next I tried the Humane Society, but the recording said their offices were closed today for training, and no emergency number was listed.
I passed Brookside Veterinary, then turned around and went back. They were already open, but they didn’t treat wildlife. The receptionist tried the Humane Society as well but had no luck either. She suggested calling 911 and asking if they had an emergency number for the HS.
The operator took my information and said they’d send somebody out. It’s likely they ended up shooting it, but better that than letting it suffer for hours.

 Posted by at 9:31 am  Tagged with:
Mar 272013
 

Yesterday after work I went to GameStop to pick up a copy of Bioshock Infinite. For various vague reasons, which I considered for all of five seconds, I got it for our roommate Connor’s Xbox 360 instead of my PS3. You can probably guess that this post is about how I learned to regret that decision.

After the gym, a shower, and some food, I fired up the Xbox and got ready to play. I opened the tray, took out the Dishonored disc, and turned around to grab the Bioshock disc, when the tray closed of its own accord.

And wouldn’t reopen.

This is a Halo 3 edition Xbox, so it’s about 5 years old. It’s already gone through a bad power brick and an in-shop repair job. The tray problem is not new, but the workaround has always been to stand the unit on end, then push the eject button. I stood the unit on end and pushed the eject button.

click-whir-blink-blink

Nothing.

I pushed the button a few more times. I held it up and turned it through every possible axis of rotation while pushing the button. Yes, I even turned it off and turned it back on again.

click-whir-blink-blink

Nothing.

I started blistering the air heaping curses upon Redmond, while considering my options. I’d already opened the game, so I probably couldn’t exchange it. I entertained a wild fantasy about buying Connor a new Xbox and setting fire to the old one, but that would mean going to a store, buying a console, transferring our combined profiles and saved game data to the new console, then explaining to my husband why I’d spent nearly $300 on a video game. As one of the greatest minds of our generation has observed, ain’t nobody got time fo dat.

I chose a new course of action: beating the stupid thing. While smacking it on the side a few times, I started randomly hitting the eject and power buttons, hoping to confuse it into opening the tray.

Miracle of miracles, it worked! Hooking a finger in the tray to keep it from closing again, I reached back, grabbed the disc, and dropped it in, letting the tray close.

“Take that, bitch!”

Flush with victory, I glanced at the other disc label-side down on the couch and was suddenly seized by a terrible thought. I picked it up and flipped it over.

Bioshock Infinite.

My facepalm nearly broke the sound barrier. In my righteous fury, I’d accidentally put Dishonored right back in the tray.

Fearfully, I reached out and pressed the eject button, hoping against hope.

click-whir-blink-blink-fuck-you

I grabbed a screwdriver and went to war.

After a brief struggle, the Xbox surrendered its front bezel, and I had to literally haul the tray open. Triumphant at last, it was midnight before I quit playing and went to bed. I sure hope Connor likes Bioshock Infinite, because that disc is never leaving that tray.

By the way, the game itself is great, and if you like FPS games with fantastic story lines, I highly recommend picking up a copy.

For PC or Playstation.

Right before I shut the Xbox off, I discovered I had also forgotten to log myself in, so all of my progress and achievements were saved under Connor’s profile, not mine.

FML.

Mar 202013
 

I was playing some version of Mechwarrior with virtual reality, because it was as if I was inside the mech. I was playing against some friends, but complaining to Aaron that the customization options were crap.

I was trying to add PPCs to my Warhammer’s arms, and the game wouldn’t let me. To demonstrate, I waved my virtual arms at Aaron, which ended in bare struts instead of particle cannons. Instead, the cannons were stacked on top of my shoulder-mounted missile racks.

I want my money back. 😛

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